First off, stop. Please.
Recently, I reread this article on “the friend zone” (for the bajillionth time) from Lauren Demoss’s website, TheFullTimeGirl.com. I’ve been reading her blogs for a long time, and I especially love this entry because I’m on the same page as her on this subject.
I am so sick of girls and guys feeling stuck in the “friend zone” box they are putting themselves in. If you’re wondering, it’s this fantasy land where people can resort to and complain about friends of the other sex not being attracted to them. And if you are in this dreaded friend zone, it’s not anyone else’s fault but yours. That sounds weird and I’m probably making you fume with anger, so let me explain.
I find it a beautiful thing to be friends with someone before you decide to date. Especially when you’re in high school, because that girl/guy you met last Sunday might not be who you originally thought they were. Seems to me that these days, we’re deciding our future with someone within five minutes of meeting them. We really need to stop that. And us girls need to stop leading boys on and on and on only to reject them. That is cruel, rude, and emotionally abusive.
I get it – when you meet someone and you grow to be affectionate towards them, it can turn messy. As a girl who is not allowed to date for another two years, I have seen too many friendships with a boy go down the drain because things got complicated when he found out I could not “go out” with him quite yet. I think that is super lame, because I feel that if you truly like someone you should be willing to wait for them. If they are precious to you and you want to pursue them, you should at least get to know them first.
Now, I know dating is how you get to know someone, and I know it’s important. But I also know relationships are rushed all the time nowadays. When I date someone, I feel like I should know more than just their first name. Plus, how do you date before you can drive anyway? Dating means actually going on dates.
I’ve had a lot of guys as friends throughout middle school and high school, and all of them have ended ultimately because I was not allowed to date them. Does that not show a malfunction in the way being friends with someone is perceived? Being friends with someone before you date them is a great way to get to know them. Get to know their parents, their favorite bands, and learn to be a good friend to them. After all, your future spouse should be your best friend.
In the end, the only way to get yourself out of the horrible “friend zone” is to pull yourself out. Climb out of the stupid box you’re trapping yourself in and see the ability to be friends with someone you’re attracted to as a beautiful chance to get to know them. I promise you, if you stop acting like a spazz about being friends with someone, you’ll feel a lot better.