This week, we had the privilege to talk to the incredibly wise five-foot-tall vocal powerhouse that is Lacey Sturm. She talked to us about her upcoming book, The Mystery: Finding True Love In A World of Broken Lovers. The book examines relationships and talks about the pain they can bring — but more importantly, the good. It comes out on October 4th, 2016 and you can pre-order it here. Without further ado, here is part two of our conversation with Lacey. Part one can be viewed here!
LS: “So when I met my husband (of eight years this September), Josh, he was really nice! We got along really good, I thought he was handsome. It was going really well and I was like, ‘Hey this is very familiar, I need you to talk to somebody so I can make sure you’re okay! I told him to call this guy Eric and if he says you’re cool, you’re cool. If he says you’re not, I’m not going to talk to you anymore.’ So he did that, and he walked through that process with us – the dating. Josh didn’t kiss me until he asked me to marry him. I wasn’t giving anything away. I was starting over and that was how it was going to be, I wasn’t going to waste my time or my heart.
I learned how to protect my heart and wait until the right timing to give my heart away. It was about my heart, not about everything else people say it is. It’s about the heart. In the end, we got married and I learned how not to make him into a God in my life. What we learned from not kissing when we wanted to as grown people – not holding hands or whatever, and I’m talking to my spiritual mom like, ‘Why can’t I just hold his hand? I want to hold his hand, this is stupid! I’ve been married and divorced and all these kinds of things and I can’t hold this guy’s hand?!’ I just trusted her. The thing is when we did that there was this romantic tension; we both wanted to be closer but we just got to know each other for who are.
It’s the most beautiful thing. I think that’s what makes the Twilight books so alluring – they have to keep their distance and the tension there is just like “AHH! Why can’t you just kiss each other already?!” That’s how it feels! You know when you first sit next to someone you like as a young person and they sit next you and you think, ‘Oh my gosh, they’re sitting next to me!’ That’s what it felt like the entire year, the ‘Oh my gosh he’s so close. His hand is right next to mine.’ It was the weirdest tension as a grown person. It was so strange. But what it taught me in my marriage was that when I’m in those situations with a person of the opposite sex or just somebody I might be attracted to and I’m married, when we start connecting I know how to guard my heart. It taught me self control, it planted seeds of faithfulness in my marriage. It also planted seeds of trust in my husband and I.
Now, when I’m alone with someone – a producer or something like that – he totally trusts me. When he’s alone with a girl or whatever, the way we live in community like this I can trust him, because I walked through that with him and I know he honors my heart. So it did a lot of things. I know too when I’m expecting him to be everything for me I remember that God is my first love and I didn’t promise that Josh would be everything that I want, when we got married I promised that I would love him. I didn’t promise that he would be everything all the time. I promised I would love him all the time. That really helps, because I learned a lot before we got married. We’re sorting through things as we go, but that part of our marriage and life I want to share.
I think I got robbed when I was even in elementary, junior high, and high school because if someone had told me I wasn’t going to meet the person I was going to marry until I was 26 years old, I would have done things differently with my time. I would have traveled, been the best sister and the best daughter! I would have used my time to serve and love people and learn things. Study things I want to learn! But instead I was always caught up in some relationship and my energy was poured out there. I just want girls to know that your romantic relationship does not define you. It’s not your identity. It’s part of who you are, but the only reason why you even have romance in the end is to love somebody else. Your love that you need to be whole needs to come from God, not somebody else. They can’t be God for you.
When I am not full and my husband is having a bad day, that gets on my nerves and we fight. But when my heart is full on its own, I can be super loving to him and it’s alluring to him in a mysterious way. Like, ‘Why are you so happy and responding to me in such a kind way when I’m so pissed off?’ And the other way around. If he’s full when I’m angry it allures me because he’s not depending on me to make him happy, he’s happy on his own. That’s mysterious to me – I want to be close to whatever that is.”
TDB: One more question -You’re still touring, what can fans expect from your show?
“Well, I do believe 100 percent that every city is different and the energy at a show is unique to the city we’re in. In that way, every show is different. We do some old Flyleaf songs, we do a lot of the songs off of ‘Life Screams’. We do a couple songs that aren’t on any of our records. We do one song that’s just freestyle, so we just make up a song in each city. Sometimes it’s awkward and sometimes it’s awesome! *laughs* So we do that, and we pray before every show that the spirit of the songs will speak to the hearts of people and whatever they’re going through. We hear that a lot. So hopefully if someone were to come, something in them would be healed, encouraged, or that their spirit would grow.”
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